Star Trek – Memory Prime

Spock walked back to the interface console.  He inserted his hands.  Kirk winced as he saw Spock give a final push to make sure the leads were embedded directly in his nerves.  Then Spock went rigid.

It has taken me so long to read Memory Prime (#42 Pocket, #16 Titan) (1988) that I can barely remember the beginning, and that really saddens me because I was really looking forward to reading a novel by Gar and Judith Reeves-Stevens.  Why? Well, because they wrote the ‘Shatnerverse‘ novels and I’ve heard good things about them.  I wanted to enjoy Memory Prime because that means I’d be looking forward to all the other novels they have written… unfortunately Memory Prime was…

… boring …

The cover is horrible and while it contains elements of the plot it’s almost completely unrelated to what actually happens.

There, I said it.  It bored me, I simply didn’t want to pick it up.  When I read a few good books in a row nothing can stop me, Memory Prime brought me to a screeching halt.

A while ago a lady commented that the early novels were the best and that she lost interest as the Star Trek novels lost that little bit of special something, perhaps a bit of heart that the more amateur fan authors nurtured, a little bit of joyous play instead of the little too serious veneer of the professional author.

Memory Prime  is well written, but in my opinion paced poorly.  It took three quarters of the book to actually get going, I was reading a couple of pages every couple of days but I really couldn’t find the motivation to keep reading until I hit the turning point and the ‘action’ started.  The final sequence itself was full of good characterisation and then… perhaps a bit of Tron?  I felt Spock’s ability to ‘dive’ into the computer was a little contrary to the ‘canon’ they had set up in the novel, it felt clumsy and lazy.

I’m getting ahead of myself again.

Memory Prime on Memory Alpha

Unsurprisingly neither Memory Alpha or Memory Beta have a detailed summary I can link to… Perhaps other people also feel that nothing much of anything actually happens?  I’m also not going to write a summary because I can’t remember enough of it.  Which having taken a peak at the goodreads page seems to be a recurring theme.  As a side note, who keeps rating the Star Trek novels so highly on goodreads?  Even the bloody awful ones often end up with a stirling 3 stars, do people just randomly go through series of books and rating them without reading them?  Thinking about it, I really wouldn’t be surprised.

The big problem with Memory Prime is the sheer number of dead ends in the narrative, and although I guess the authors were trying to deliberately obfuscate and try to make it like a ‘real life detective story’, but still many of the digressions just feel like a waste of time.  This also goes for the characters that get developed, I don’t feel particularly invested and I certainly don’t feel the story is any richer for their inclusion.  The narrative seems complex for complexities’ sake… not for the bettering of the narrative.  In some ways this is what Diane Duane does, but done badly, and at least the fleeting characters have some use in progressing the narrative and don’t feel like cheap filler.

Speaking of Diane Duane her lore regarding the Romulans is referenced in Memory Prime.

Another issue with Memory Prime is that much there are far too many characters with ISS (inexplicable stupidity syndrome)… the plot wouldn’t function about it.  Just when you think a character couldn’t overlook another key plot point because it’s so blindly obvious, they defy your expectations and fail… badly.  As you know, I hate HATE, ISS, it’s just simply bad and lazy writing.

Screen cap from review on goodreads by ‘Robin’.  Do they ship them? I think they do.

The main plot involving the computer intelligences was actually pretty endearing, at least when you were reading about their thoughts, it was a fun addition to an otherwise dull novel.  I really liked the different characterisations of the intelligences which was related to what they had been originally or how old they were.  However Spock interfacing with the machines despite not having any of the training / equipment / implants was hard to swallow especially since it had been built up that only the people with the implants could do that and they were proud of that.

Which reminds me.  The whole subplot with Spock being arrested with absolutely no evidence and the (female) commander with a chip on her shoulder just deciding she was going to ignore any protocol and threaten everyone because she was in control now?  Literally half the tedium of the book would be cut out if that character wasn’t so contrived.

I guess what is really, truly annoying about this book is that it’s written ‘well’ but the the content is poor.  You can tell, especially once the action starts that Gar and Judith are good writers but have settled on the most mediocre content.  The fact it’s ‘well written’ is the only reason it’s not getting a 1/5.

2/5 – as exciting as scanning for iridium.

Star Trek – How Much For Just The Planet

Arizhel picked up the Cat robber and shoved him into the closet.  She pressed the lock button, since Charlotte had the key, then shut the door, listening for the click.  She heard the cat stir within.  That was disappointing; she must be out of practice.
She went back towards the door.  Stitches popped like bursts of gunfire.  Instinctively she grabbed at the scraps of black as they fell away.  It seemed to make things worse.
But she did not need the Cat costume any longer.  She could simply change back into her dress…
Which was  locked in the closet, behind the Cat.

How Much For Just The Planet (#36 Pocket, # Titan) by John M Ford is another slightly experimental story in keeping with Ford’s rule not to write the same kind of story twice.   I think HMFJTP is a kind of marmite story, but very much in the style of TOS in that it could have very much been an episode of from the TV series.  Incredibly campy both in writing style and the events in the story itself, it is also very self aware.  Ridiculous things happen in HMFJTP, the whole latter half of the book is orchestrated slap stick comedy ending in a pie fight between all the characters.  The end is also moralising, and highlights one of the problems with the Organian treaty – what if the people of the disputed planet want nothing to do with either the Federation nor the Klingon Empire?

I was in two minds while reading HMFJTP, it was pure TOS through and through, brilliant characterisation, a refreshing approach to story telling, hell, I enjoyed it.  On the other hand the prolonged slapstick comedy sketch didn’t quite work for me and I couldn’t help cringing at this comedy of errors.

Stylistically HMFJTP is really interesting.  When the Federation and Klingon diplomatic delegations beam down to Direidi to attempt to negotiate who would be developing the planet and it’s dilithium resources the reader is made immediately aware that what the crew are experiencing is all staged and an act.  The reader has been told of ‘Plan C’, we know it’s all scripted and throughout the surreal experiences we often get given small ‘behind the scenes’… well… scenes.   The Direidians break into musical-esque song at the merest provocation, much to the bemusement of the Federation and Klingon crews, who are trying to be accepting of this strange people (which of course helps to keep the ruse going).  The songs are written in italicised stanzas, predominantly in rhyming couplets, and are often quite lengthy!  The songs work as a kind of shorthand for setting the scene, much as they would in a piece of musical theatre (they’re also mostly awful!).  We expect for the hi-jinx to begin when the ‘worlds collide’ as it were, however the strange, theatrical occurrences happen from the beginning of the narrative and in the formatting of the text itself.

Something that stands out immediately is that every chapter has a title, for example:

– In Space, No One Can Fry an Egg

– The Dilithium Crystal As Big As The Ritz

– All’s Fair In Love and Dilithium

and there are also ‘interlude’ chapters such as:

– Educational Short Subject: Useful Facts about Dilithium

– Historical Interlude: The Only War We’ve Got

which are written with a theme and are written stylistically differently.  The ‘Educational Short Subject’ is written as if it’s a sponsored children’s infomercial, the ‘Historical Interlude’ is a comically written explanation of the terms of the Organian Treaty and the Federation and the Empire’s respective opinions on it (that interlude tickled me!).

It’s also interesting to note that the strange goings on or perhaps the tone of the novel starts immediately in the narrative too.  From the beginning the whole story has a certain humour to it.  Whether it’s the replicator’s inability to produce orange juice which isn’t blue, Kirk deciding he was brave enough to try the electric blue concoction, or that the events of the story may have been put into motion by a sloppy Vulcan who spilt a minty milk shake over integral parts of her ship’s computer, causing it to become quite insane.  These events continue as Kirk & Co. are brought into the story, the diplomat for the mission is an old flame (whom he’d forgotten) and the sloppy Vulcan is known to Spock (he exhibits a slight tick when he suspects she’s involved); this is even before the diplomatic party arrives at the planet.

I mean… on one hand we have the expected ridiculous and scripted events on Direidi which really are laugh out loud funny (the cherry on the cake was the utterly ridiculous ‘pie fight’, but the multiple cases of misdirection and tongue in cheek film / theatre references) and on the other we have the ‘universe’ acting in much the same way which makes it both less and more absurd.  This is quite in keeping I feel with episodes of TOS which can vary between serious intellectualism to broad comedy, though HMFJTP is far beyond anything featured in the show.

I really did like that Ford continued with his expansion of Klingon society.  I really did like the internal thoughts of the Klingon characters who were by Klingon standards, quite pleasant.  ‘Proke’ was quite the match to Uhura and was definitely a development from Ford’s Klingons.  Proke and Uhura both worked out what was going on on Direidi, and so their adventure was the most strange (and the shortest) as they were preempting the directed events and essentially identifying the tropes and their origin films / series as they came across them.

I think the most fun comes from the variety of different adventures the different groups of the diplomatic party had.  One section was shamelessly drawing from ‘She’ (which made me chuckle), another with the party running over a golf course amid shell fire I know I’ve seen but I can’t recall the film.  Eventually the sets start to fall apart but by that time everyone is ready for a stress reducing pie fight!

Of course, unless you’re a director, you’re not going to escape a situation like this without egg on your face, and in this case the people of Direidi who don’t want any part of politics manage to manipulate the situation in such a way that their preferred proposal for Dilithium mining on their planet has to be accepted by the diplomats of both the Federation and the Empire.

Like I said How Much For Just The Planet is a reader’s marmite, I can’t guarantee you’ll like it, but I can honestly say that it is a well written Star Trek novel with a premise that could only be pulled off in practise by someone with Ford’s ability. 

If you know your 1940s, 50s, and 60s cinema and contemporary theatre, you’ll have a good time picking out the references!

4/5 – Here’s looking at you, kid.

Star Trek – Crisis on Centaurus

Kirk ran it through his mind again.  We’re relatively safe as long as we stay in here, as long as Burke knows where we are and feels in control.  If we leave Burke will think he’s losing control, and we’re dead.  But we’ve got to leave.  Now just how the hell are you going to pull this one off, Jim?

First question: Was this novel sponsored by American Express, Coca-Cola, Hilton, and British Airways?

Second question: Did I watch the same Star Trek as Brad Ferguson (author)?

From the outset Crisis on Centaurus (#28 Pocket, #47 Titan) (1986) by Brad Ferguson delivers a quite warped view of the Star Trek future.  I’m not going to pull any punches; the story was pedestrian, characterisation was poor, and understanding of the Star Trek almost nonexistent.

Crisis on Centaurus isn’t getting a good score, that’s for sure.

There were so many things simply wrong about this book, it’s difficult to know where to start.

Summary of Crisis on Centaurus – Memory Beta (as of time of writing detailed but incomplete).

The Story

The story was simplistic and uninspired and hinged upon beliefs and mentalities confirmed to be eradicated by this time in human history.  We know that the concept of money is a little hazy and that we know that racism within humans is pretty much unheard of, and we also know that Alpha Centauri IV (or in this case Centaurus) is a thriving Federation colony (in fact a founding member of the United Federation of Planets).  Much of the narrative of Crisis on Centaurus hinges on Centaurus being somewhat at odds with the Federation and Federation principles so ultimately Crisis is based on a faulty premise to begin with.

Initial conflicts of interest / principles with the Federation are apparent from the first page.  What really stuck on page one was the ‘American Express‘ cash machine.  The use of real big name brands occurs throughout the book and to me indicates not only a lack of understanding of Star Trek but also a severe lack of imagination.  I might have been able to ignore the rampant capitalism if Ferguson had bothered to invent an equivalent but… for me the inclusion of American Express (which highlighted a monetary system), Hilton, Coca-Cola, and strangely British Air(ways) broke my suspension of disbelief.

Stretching for ideas, Ferguson uses racism to try and make his villains more… villainous.  Humans who are not only xenophobic of other species, they are also white supremacists!  So, did we watch the same Star Trek or did we see two different shows?  Star Trek TOS explicitly says racism doesn’t exist within humans two or three times, humans have grown past that.

Additionally, part of the plot is that the planet’s defence system has gone haywire and is shooting nukes at anything that flies…  Sorry, are we part of the Federation or not?

The story is so badly structured and conceived that in order to have an understanding of the motivations of the plot the main remaining villain gives a long winded hypothetical exposition.  Look, Ferguson, if you’ve got to the point where you’ve got to wrap up a book and the only way you can do this is by having the bad guy (who really wasn’t behind the big explosion anyway) tell you everything from the motivations to the execution of the events because otherwise everyone is going to be none the wiser… you’ve failed.

A subplot is that the Enterprises’ computer system has been damaged and it might have been sabotage!  Except it wasn’t and nobody really thought about it too much and took quite a cavalier attitude to the fact there might be a saboteur on the ship, in that nobody actually investigated anything.  As it turns out a tiny black hole winked in and out of existence while the Enterprise was travelling at warp two and that’s what damaged the computer system.  It’s not really investigated until the end.

Ferguson also seems to forget how the chains of command works on the Enterprise and makes a big thing about Uhura being put in charge of the Enterprise (presumably because she’s black or something and it fits with his white supremacists plot point).

Characterisation

Characterisation was poor all round with Kirk having some terrible dialogue and out of character moments, just take a look at this example of sterling writing:

“You can’t afford to sneer, Barclay,” Kirk said.  “You’re too close to being dead right now.  So shut that hole in your face and stay down on the floor.”

 Um… What even is this dialogue?  Much of the ‘character development’ for Kirk revolves around that he’d much rather kill the criminals behind the atrocity but he’s going to do his duty despite his desire to end their lives himself.  Laughable.

Spock gets off lightly and Ferguson puts in a few emotional lapses so he isn’t a complete robot 100% of the time.  No really terrible dialogue that I can recall but nothing wonderful either.

McCoy is barely in the novel, nor is his daughter Joanna.  You’d think there would be character development here, McCoy being worried about his daughter, some exposition through his daughter.  Well Joanna makes an appearance for about 25 pages, McCoy for reasons unknown doesn’t go down to the planet to help until after she is found alive.  Personally I would have thought that nothing would have stopped McCoy from going down to the planet especially since he wouldn’t be going on the transporters since they are non-functional throughout the novel.

An OC nurse however does go down to the planet’s surface in McCoy’s stead.  Her purpose is to provide some cringe inducing dialogue from Chekov and to create some sort of tragic, abortive love affair with him.

Which reminds me every-single-woman is commented on or leched at by Kirk and/or Chekov.  Every time those lines came up I felt like shrivelling up in embarrassment.

The Villains are non-entities.  The scientist who started the blast was a bland nothing, the bad-guys Kirk was trying to save in order for them to be taken to trial and avoid the Centauran death penalty (what?) were bland, uninteresting and ‘the big bad’ was cliched.  The best villains were the government agents, who weren’t villains at all and just wanted to arrest the terrorists under their own laws.  Kirk didn’t like one of them… probably because the government official was competent and doing his job unlike everyone else in this version of Star Trek.

Basically, don’t read Crisis on Centaurus.  It’s a waste of time.  It’s not even a good story, let alone a good Star Trek story.

1/5 – Product Placement.

Star Trek – Web of the Romulans

A gleam was born in the captain’s eyes.  Spock, watching it glow, felt a stab of trepidation.  He was always nervous when Kirk began to work from inspiration instead of logic.

“Countess…” said Kirk in a voice that made Uhura, Yeoman Kouc and Ensign Stewart blush.  Spock looked startled and McCoy incredulous but the captain continued in his dark, velvet voice.  What he had in mind was a long shot, but it was all he had.

As I’m reading these ST:TOS novels I’m often thinking about how I’m going to review the book.  At about half way through on a shorter book, perhaps every quarter on a longer one I stop and think and start forming my opinions.  I ask questions to myself, what’s the theme, is the characterization good, is the story compelling, are there any memorable moments so far?

So as usual at about page 130, I did the same to Web of the Romulans (1983) (#10 Pocket, # Titan) by M S Murdock.

What’s happened so far?  Um…  Not much.

What’s the story?  Romulans… are attacking but not attacking the Federation?  A disease!  Yeah, there’s a disease and they need to, uh, get medicine!

You’re just remembering what you read in the blurb, aren’t you?  Yes…

So… what you’re saying is that you’ve read half the book and if you hadn’t read the blurb you still wouldn’t know what was going on and nothing much has happened?  Correct.

Fascinating.

Essentially, Web of the Romulans is, well, for lack of a better word… slow.  Not in a boring, arduous sense but in a I really feel that by about half way through there should be some sense of something happening.  This is somewhat deliberate, the whole story is a series of waiting games and a lack of action which wears on the readers and the characters alike.  Saying this however without expressly saying that it is also enjoyable would be doing it a disservice.  I was actually surprised to find myself approaching the middle of the book.  But nothing has happened yet! I thought.  And furthermore, I’m not bored!  And that was the surprising thing, despite nothing really happening and getting to half way though with virtually no action what so ever, I didn’t really mind.

On the flip side, I wasn’t in a particular rush to finish it either.

I must quickly comment on the cover.  Notice anything strange?  Well aside from Bones’ rather dapper get up (so suave)!  Spock and Kirk’s insignia are on the wrong side!  Not only that, but the insignia are flipped too.  You’d think that that meant that the image had been flipped, but the artists signature is the right way around… I’m sure there’s going to be a story behind this mishap!

It became apparent in the first page that M S Murdock is a female author.  Her descriptions on the first page gave the game away.  Her descriptions paint a detailed picture with a feminine eye, and although her imagery is often somewhat overwrought it is none the less pleasurable to read.  As the plot develops at it’s sedentary pace it becomes very clear where her focus is – love and relationships.  It shouldn’t surprise anyone who reads Web of the Romulans that at least part of it was written by Murdock for a fanzine.  Web of the Romulans has a definite division in the stories the more developed ‘computer loves Kirk’ plot and the less refined ‘Romulans need medicine’ plot.

To some extent, the slow pace of the novel is explained by the two story lines.  Initially the plot with the Romulans is introduced however, the narrative with the computer has to be resolved before the Romulan plot can continue, since the story with the computer effectively disables the Enterprise.  Since the computer plot is essentially a standalone, go nowhere, what if, silliness found frequently in fanfiction, it’s an interesting if lengthy diversion.  This somewhat explains my confusion re. ‘nothing has happened, why aren’t I bored?’ Basically, I was occupied for most of the book with the amusing problem of the computer devoting all its resources to Kirk and an understanding of love (a follow on from ‘Tomorrow is Yesterday).  This problem isn’t so much solved by the end of the book so much as bypassed.  Reminding us of auxiliary control serves a purpose for the other narrative, which was a neat link.

The Romulan section of the narrative which is utterly unrelated to Kirk’s problems is pretty well written however, I would like to have seen more of it.  S’Talon and the Centurion were likeable, sympathetic characters, as was the aged mentor and his friend.  The Praetor was a little tropey and predictable but served his purpose in the narrative.  I wanted to read more about the Romulans and their problems, more character development, just more!  The weakest part of the story was probably the reasons given for the Romulan’s actions, the Praetor’s role, the under developed bit about the planet where the miracle drug is.  On the other hand, if you don’t look to closely at it, it is fine!  Mixed in with the Romulan intrigue is some Federation intrigue, in which an admiral who works in intelligence believes that the Romulans intend to start a war with the Federation.  He is completely obsessed with the idea and so manipulates the situation to be in the frontline.  However, this isn’t his only problem, he also wants to conduct a war with the Romulans like a game, and he wants to be the victor.  So… basically he’s completely off his rocker.  Through this story line we’re introduced to three or four Federation characters who are generally likeable, interesting characters.  I also wanted to read more about these characters but I was denied this too!

So frustrating!  Perhaps this bothers me most there’s a really good story line concerning the Romulans but Murdock’s main concern is that silly fanfiction she wrote.  If the book had been one hundred pages longer, the Romulan narrative would have had more room to breathe and develop, as it is there is a frustrating amount of potential that just isn’t utilised!

Of course, this just highlights the main problem of this book – nothing much happens.  I mean, it’s impossible not to realise that two large sections of the book are comprised of 2 or more star ships sitting for days on end looking at each other over an invisible boarder in space.

It’s also hard to miss that the cash poor Romulans mount an invasion force, get to the planet with the drug that they need and then… sit and negotiate?  Or that these very same cash poor Romulans buy the whole supply of this miracle drug – enough to save their whole Empire?  No boots on the ground?  No drama with S’Talon?  The Romulan ships get fired at and they just… sit there?

There’s lots of cameo scenes recognisable from the series, Rand being stuck in a turbo lift is one, for example, and characters are generally well written.

So, in essence, Web of the Romulans has some serious problems, which are mitigated somewhat by a pleasant writing style and a good sense of humour and timing from the author.  It is just a pleasant sojourn, not stressful, not exciting, just a bit of a ramble.  Read it by all means, but don’t look too hard / think too much about it.

3/5 – Countess of…. what?

I must add that I am laughing hard at people calling it misogynist.  Dear me.